How to Introduce Sex Toys to Your Partner Without Awkwardness

To introduce sex toys without awkwardness, pick a relaxed, non-sexual moment and frame it as something to explore together, not a fix for a problem. Reassure your partner you’re happy with your sex life. Browse together instead of buying a surprise, and start with something small and shared, like a finger vibrator, a vibrating ring or a small wand. Keep the first time light, and talk afterwards about what you each liked. The ten steps below walk through it, with phrases you can borrow.

This is relationship advice from a contributor’s personal perspective. It isn’t therapy or medical advice.

Why talking about sex toys can feel awkward (and why that’s okay)

Talking about toys can feel taboo because most of us aren’t used to discussing sex, pleasure and fun openly. We didn’t learn it as kids, and it can bring up deep feelings of vulnerability. You may worry your partner will feel turned off, judged or rejected. It’s normal to feel a little apprehensive.

Your partner may not be expecting this conversation, so it’s essential to frame it in the right way. It isn’t a request. You’re opening a dialogue around exploration and mutual pleasure.

How to talk to your partner about using sex toys: 10 steps

Step 1: Ask yourself why you want toys

Before you approach your partner, be clear on why and how you want to bring toys into your relationship. Ask yourself:

• Why do you want to bring sex toys into your relationship?
• Are you looking to increase closeness, try something new, or address a specific concern?
• What type of toy are you considering? Solo or shared? Insertable or external? Anal or not?
• Are you ready to be open about your reasons and the types of toys you’re interested in?

When you’re sure of your boundaries and desires, it’ll be much easier to explain them.

Step 2: Pick the right moment and setting

Timing is crucial. Don’t spring it on your partner or mention it casually during sex. Bringing it up during a chore or over text isn’t ideal either.

Find a lull when you’re both feeling good, relaxed and emotionally close: after a good date night in, while cuddling on the couch, or on a lazy weekend morning with nowhere to rush off to.

Step 3: Phrase things playfully

The language you use sets the tone. Avoid making it sound like a complaint or a problem to be fixed. Make it an invitation to share something exciting and intimate.

Lead with questions rather than statements. Try one of these:

• “I read an article the other day about how couples can have more fun with sex toys. What do you think of that?”
• “Have you ever thought about trying something different in the bedroom? Maybe a toy we could use together?”
• “I came across this toy online that sounded really good. Would you mind checking it out with me?”

Step 4: Reassure your partner

Your partner may wonder whether they’re not satisfying you, or whether a toy is meant to replace them. Gently reassure them:

• “I just think this might be something fun to try together, but I’m really enjoying the sex we’re already having.”
• “This wouldn’t replace anything. It’d just be another thing that feels good.”

Show your partner that they’re appreciated, included and not a problem to be solved.

Step 5: Share the process

Buying something in secret and bringing it out can catch your partner off guard. Invite them into the process instead: browse a retailer together, read descriptions, compare options or share a laugh over the wackier items.

That way, browsing becomes a normal shared activity, and your partner can share opinions and ask questions without pressure.

Step 6: Start simple and keep it relaxed

You don’t need to start with anything complicated or intense. Keep it small, simple and shared. Good first options include:

• a small bullet or finger vibrator for external use,
• a vibrating ring worn during penetrative sex,
• a wand-style massager for general body use.

Ideally, the first toy should be small, soft and easy to use, with the focus on shared pleasure and comfort. A toy you use together often feels less intimidating than one designed for solo internal use. Our best sex toys for use during foreplay guide has ideas.

Step 7: Use “we” language

Focus on the benefits for both of you:

• “I think this might be fun for both of us.”
• “It could be nice to see what we enjoy together.”
• “Let’s give it a shot and see how it feels for each of us.”

Step 8: Be prepared for questions or doubts

Your partner may be excited and curious, or they may have doubts. Be ready to talk frankly about why you want to try toys and how you see them fitting into your sex life. It helps to know the basics:

• body-safe materials like silicone and ABS plastic (see toy materials explained),
• cleaning, storage and hygiene (see how to clean your sex toys safely),
• which lubes work with which materials.

Don’t assume they know these things already.

Step 9: Start gradually and experiment

The first time shouldn’t be intense. Keep it light and low-pressure, with no expectation of immediate results. Make the toy an optional addition rather than the main event.

Use it externally while kissing or cuddling. Let one partner control the toy while the other relaxes into it. Start at a low intensity and slow speed, then work up. Keep checking in. Consent and comfort always come first.

Step 10: Talk about it afterwards

Afterwards, ask your partner what they enjoyed, what they didn’t, and what they might want to try next:

• “That was fun. Was there anything you especially liked or didn’t like?”
• “I’m glad we gave that a go. I’d love to know what you enjoyed most.”

Treat it as shared reflection, not a performance review.

Three more ways to bring it up

Be straightforward. Mention it the next time it crosses your mind:

• “I’ve been thinking about toys, and I have some ideas I’d like to share with you.”
• “Have you ever thought about trying a toy? I keep hearing how much fun they are.”

Make it something to look forward to. Set a time to talk about it, like after a busy week, so it becomes something to look forward to rather than a surprise.

Ask permission first. “Is it okay if I share an idea with you?” is a simple, respectful way to open the topic.

The bottom line

There’s nothing that should make you afraid to bring up sex toys with your partner. Done with care, it’ll be received as an invitation to explore together rather than a criticism.

Talk honestly, with curiosity and without pressure or judgment. Take it slow, stay playful, and keep connection, communication, consent and trust at the centre. For one husband’s story of how this played out, read how I convinced my wife to try sex toys. For choosing a first toy, see how to choose your first sex toy or browse the couples hub.

Editor’s note (October 2026): We’ve made light edits for clarity, corrected a garbled sentence and a suggestion that bullet vibrators suit internal use (most are external-only), and added links to related guides.